Generalizations Lead to Stereotypical Blog Posts

That's right, time to fasten your seat belts for a blog filled with cheesecake, spiced apple cider, broccoli and marshmallows. It's also going to be filled with stereotypical generalizations. Which are extremely outdated. If I was technology savvy I would use iPodtypical generalizations, but I'm too groovy for that. Oh well. Where was I? Oh, right, generalizations. Why can't they be privatizations or captainizations or guyflyinganawesomehelicopterizations? Because I don't feel like it. Anyway. Generalizations. What over used topic shall I begin with? Love? Change? Coping with the daily struggles of life that nearly every single person who calls this planet home has to deal with making it not that big of a deal even thought you still think it is and you feel the need to whine about it because you want attention and you feel that you are alone in your situation even though there are millions of people just like you? Run, on sentence's! Pore grammer? Horrendous spelling? Nay. I shall bypass all of these worthy topics and skip to the biggest stereotypical generalized topic of all time! Please, will some poor chap in the audience give us a drum roll? No? Okay, well pretend you hear one.....................................................................................................................................................
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(Sorry, 'bout that folks, I had to go feed my pet cactus some fillet mignon and he/she bit my hand causing severe bleeding, nausea, drowsiness and in uncommon cases death. On a related subject, are you aware that it is extremely difficult, not to mention awkward to sex cacti? Sex used in this sense is a verb meaning "to determine the gender of an organism." I also believe there is an alcholic beverage by the name of "Sex on the Beach")

Prom. Prom is an absolutely preposterous cult gathering of teenagers in skimpy dresses. What the girls wear isn't much better. Poor people on the serving committee get stuck dealing with all of the already drunk morons that ask whether or not the punch is spiked. True story. I know. I was there. And then of course you have the "dancing" that occurs. It's not actually dancing, it's more like people are trying to generate enough friction to light themselves on fire. When they do they will be sorry that they were rude to the poor lass on the serving committee. There is no way she would try to extinguish them by dumping the punch bowl on them. They've already had four glasses each. Plus bonfires are terribly romantic.

A List of Life Saving Tips for Anybody Attending Prom
1. Do not waste your time trying requesting quality music of the DJ. He does not care that Steven Sondheim was a creative genius, he will not play any songs from Sweeney Todd.
2. If you are a teacher/chaperone/planning commitee member/adult of any kind be sure that the girl you are talking to is of age before you start hitting on her. She may look like she's twenty-one and a fellow teacher, but in reality she's a fifteen year old. And you look like an idiot.
3. Fires can happen. Excessive hairspray encourages them. Of course, bonfires ARE romantic.
4. You will probably want to leave prom early to go to some wild party. Don't. Stick around and help to clean up. You will get sent home with a left over tray of cheesecake.
38293. If you own a pair of extremely tight pants, wear them to prom. They will rip and people will be entertained.

If this broad generalization has left you confused and unsure as to exactly what I was talking about this entire time, don't feel bad. It's not meant for you to understand. I can't go spilling intimate details of my life. Take comfort in the fact that my message tonight can be completely twisted to fit your life so that you feel special. It will seem as if I am sending you a personal message of comfort and hope. So, please, mangle my words till they make you feel important.

As always, please forgive me for this horid waste of your time, you may congratulate yourself for surviving it.